bad diary
11.10
Now, I feel lucky every single day, but darling, don’t ever leave me again.
10.29
i don’t have normal functions anymore
10.26
when something true emergies in this world, everyone recognizes.
you were the star
10.25
there’s no chance, i feel sad
from the last time we broke up, i saw this thing
in my mind
im too desperate to continue living, so i just quit, so quick; i don’t think i want to continue living, or have any hope; so almost pushed it somewhere, to a bad end, it doesn’t have to be that dramatic
but i don’t want this world to be good, i don’t want to solve things
i am too sad
10.24
With those other people we have deep true connections but
deep true connections usually mean nothing to me
10.23 maybe much happier leaving you; i am not such a person originally. 10.22 more serious than i thought. i have the tendency to ruin relations 10.21. doomed, not just me
check the emails on this day.
don’t get too much into others. 10.17 drained my passion
I feel like i don’t have enough for anything. And I need conversation.
But no one I could talk to.
I don’t have enough ability for any creation, not enough for painting, not enough for music, not enough for literature, I must be lacking something.
And I don’t know how to mend myself, my brain deficiency.
I could try very hard, but that means death, right? i am afraid)
I really don’t want to live anymore.
no
I feel I am married in Heaven now.
10.16
I wonder if I am just escaping from painting
no difference from my 14th
10.1 we break up
I dreamt about my alien friend, trying to take me all the way up to the rooftop, they said there might be some remnants of ufo's there, at least one that I could get away with.
But It was a big risk to get me up there, and I watched as they took off their sucker that made it possible to breathe and pretend to be a human. Their face overlaid in the air, but, I'm sorry I didn't say a word for this whole time, I couldn't tell them anything anymore.
I know they were optimistic, think that I would resurrect them after i fleet back to another planet. But I'm sorry, I didn't want to go to a new planet, I didn't want to live as an alien anymore. After seeing their face is burnt out and vanished in the air, I took my sucker off too.
I saw myself, dozens of years later, in another galaxy, a very isolated place, doing a fine study, needles, eye to eye.
9.26 pain. i miss you. i can’t tell you
this feeling again
i hate my rambling classmate
9.22
Laws of Creation:
You need to spend enough time with it.
We need to break the old patterns, start from somewhere new, start from thinking.
dopamine fucks up my brain in a beautiful way
9.18
我感觉我正在变得疯狂。我想今晚还是要记下来statement，趁我还能清醒的时候。
web art…许多已经失去了艺术最开始、最重要的意义
甚至在只是享乐之前，我开始是因为，艺术是所有人的
是能让我感受到的、共情的、免费的。一直是免费的
没有成本的爱，情感，高潮，所有人的
当然还有网络的协助
将免费最大化…能让人们得到最多的。
everything
is essentially romantic, for me
in that site,
pain and love.
9.15 love brings self-destruction feels way too good
9,14
art shouldn’t be a social thing
im so sad i want to leave sonya
9.7 love fucking hurts
9.4 i feel powerful in music.
9.3.2024
imagining your grown-up figure feels full of hope
(but there’s no hope for us together)
